


In the end

by RickardoTheAvacardo



Series: A copper and his cat [13]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bad times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 13:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4393343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RickardoTheAvacardo/pseuds/RickardoTheAvacardo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When James is at work an unexpected yet shocking event occurs, this leaves him questioning everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loosing life's grip

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by MissionImpossible.

Sitting on the window sill with a pure look of pain Emily gave out a strangled meow when James walked down the stairs. James went over to Emily and stroked the top of her head and fussed her ear which was one of the only things that made Emily purr these days.

Emily looked up at James as if she was trying to say _please don’t go._

James looked at Emily sadly. Emily had not been at her best lately, she was only eating very small bits of her food and that was only if James was lucky. Her walking was now complete limping with little control over her legs; the worst part of it was that she couldn’t control her bladder and the fact that she was drinking waterfalls of water everyday as if she needed it to keep herself happy or at least the happiest Emily could manage.

James’s mood had not been any better; nowadays he was always snappy and miserable. James’s mood had been especially noticeable at work, even Emily would have noticed his bad mood if she wasn’t in so much pain.

James took one last look at Emily who was now limping over to the sofa, she attempted to jump up but her legs had now given way so James had to pick her up, which of course earnt him a severely angry hiss.

Before leaving James tried to give Emily a small smile, but her loud painful meow made James fail his attempt which had left him feeling worse by the time he had got to work.

__________________________________________________________

 

 

In the office James was buried in paper work while Robbie kept watching James as seemed to be getting frustrated at the fact that he was dealing with paperwork, instead of looking after Emily and absorbing all the time that she had left.

Robbie hated working in silence especially if there was a bit of tension in the atmosphere.

“Would you like a coffee James”? Robbie offered.

The frustration that had built up on James’s facial expression seemed to mellow at the polite offering.

“Please sir” James replied quietly.

When Robbie had returned with two coffees the atmosphere in the room hadn’t changed. While placing the coffee in front of James the question of how Emily was doing was blurted out of Robbie’s mouth, he was instantly kicking himself mentally.

“Fine sir” was James’s grumbled reply.

Surely James must have known that Robbie knows him better than that. Fine could mean anything from she’s ok to she is expected to rest in peace any minute.

Robbie was about to reply to James’s answer when he was interrupted by Dr Hobson.

“Morning Robbie, morning James” Laura said in her usual tone.

“Morning Laura” Robbie replied while giving her a small smile. It soon disappeared when James had mumbled his good morning.

“Robbie can I talk to you for a minute” Laura said quietly. Robbie followed her out of the room, unnoticed by James who still had his attention focused on the paperwork.

Laura closed the office door and stood in front him as she spoke to him.

“Is he still worrying about Emily”? Laura asked as well as looking around as if to see if anyone was listening.

“He thinks I haven’t noticed but I can tell when something is really eating at the lad” Robbie said sadly.

Laura sighed. “Losing someone important to you isn’t easy”. Robbie knew that too well.

“Aye I just wish I could help make the suffering a little easier you know” Robbie said almost in a whisper.

“Perhaps I could go round to Hathaway’s this lunchtime and check on Emily for him” Laura suggested.

Robbie repeated Laura’s words in his head before replying. “I suppose you could give it a go, it might help James to worry just that bit less if he knew someone was with her”

Having decided on a plan Laura and Robbie went back into the office, this time James did notice them.

“James” Laura began. “I just wanted you to know that I’m free this lunchtime, so if you like I could visit Emily quickly to see how she is getting on” Laura said kindly.

James’s eyes snapped up at her as his brain and ears were processing what he had just heard. James felt his heart sink at the fact that Laura cared so much that she was willing to give up her lunch break to do him a favor. He could also hear the little voice in his brain say _look you have been giving yourself a hard time over not being able to check on Emily throughout the day, now your friend is asking to do **you** a favor._

James then decided to stop being the stubborn sod he is and let Laura help him.

“Thank you Laura that would be helpful” James said softly as he ducked his head.

James gave Laura his spare keys and when their lunch break came along Laura drove off to Hathaway’s.

_________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Meanwhile at James’s house Emily was lying on the sofa completely exhausted. She meowed in pain when she stretched her legs across the sofa.

Being bored of sitting around and doing nothing Emily tried to stand up but ended up falling off the sofa. She cleaned herself to get rid of the dirt her fur may have picked up during the fall.

As Emily tried to get up for the second time she felt her legs wanting to give way , her eyes drooping slightly and her breath being more limited. At that moment was the moment when Emily decided that she wanted to go out to the garden as she didn’t go there as much since her body had become old and pain ridden.

Despite feeling the need for water she staggered into the garden and slumped near the tree, remembering all the adventures she had up there when she was that young cat she was desperate to be again.

Emily slowly looked around the garden as if she was trapped in a place she didn’t know .

A bird flew down and tweeted at her several times but Emily didn’t have the energy to chase it and eventually the bird flew away. Emily looked up at the sky wishing that she was able to chase birds without thinking about the amount of energy she needed.

Suddenly she was shaken from the thoughts as her chest felt tighter and she felt her muscles become numb and completely useless.

Emily laid her head gently on the grass where she remembered her first memory of being in the garden with James. She vividly remembered James cooking food on the barbecue and him giving her a bit of cooked chicken as extra dinner, Emily looked as if she was smiling at the happy memory .

Her memory was soon cut short when her chest felt more tighter than before which caused her to wheeze. Knowing what was about to happen Emily’s final thought was _James I hope you will one day realise how much you are loved._

With that Emily felt herself stop breathing, her eyes drooping until they were closed and everything in Emily’s vision suddenly went blurry until it went pitch black.

______________________________________________________________________

 

It was pouring with rain as Laura drove to Hathaway’s. James had told Laura that she would need to fill up Emily’s water bowl as she drinks a lot more than she used to.

She also remembered James telling her that Emily didn’t like to be touched , James had shown her the long scratch mark that Emily had given him the last time he picked her up to help her get on to his bed.

When Laura had parked her car she unlocked the door to be welcomed by silence and no sign of Emily.

Laura noticed that the water bowl was nearly empty; she went over to the sink to fill up the water bowl. She left it in the living room as that was where Emily was most likely to be.

After waiting for over fifteen minutes for Emily to make an appearance, she went to look for her just in case she was finding it difficult to come to her.

Laura went upstairs and searched in James’s bedroom, the bathroom and toilet but Emily was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is she” Laura said to herself as she went back downstairs. Laura then saw the garden door open, Laura soon went to the garden despite the heavy rain and she soon saw Emily lying near the tree.

“What you doing their puss” Laura said gently. When Emily didn’t move or make a sound Laura began to worry.

Laura crouched down beside Emily and slowly touched her body. When she didn’t react Laura felt her body temperature, Emily was stone cold.

Laura immediately stood up, her heart was racing. For a minute all Laura could do was stare at Emily until she got her mobile and rang Robbie.

At the office Robbie’s mobile was ringing and he walked out of the office to answer the call.

“Hello Laura is Emily alright”? Robbie asked.

Laura was clearly shaken as she spoke. “Robbie, I found Emily in the garden and”...

“Laura”? Robbie asked, concern starting to show in his voice.

“Robbie she’s dead, I was looking for her everywhere and when I went up to touch her she didn’t react plus her body is stone cold” Laura said shock and panic taking over her voice.

Robbie rubbed his eye and sighed heavily before speaking “Oh bloody hell, what am I going to tell James”?

“He’s going to find out sooner or later” Laura said gently. “Should I tell him the bad news”? Laura asked.

“No I will” Robbie replied. Then he added “if anyone is going to tell James any heart breaking news then it should be me”.

“Are you sure”? Laura asked softly.

“Yeah, it’s best if it comes from me” Robbie said sadly.

Robbie looked into the office window and saw that James had nearly finished the paperwork.

“Wont James want to go home when you tell him”? Laura asked softly.

“I suppose so, he will want to go home and he will want to be alone” Robbie said.

“Robbie you know that it’s not always good to be alone after something as life changing as death”. Robbie repeated Laura’s words in his head and he realised that Laura was right.

“Your right, the lad had been alone for far too long before he got Emily and I don’t want him to be living like that again”.

Once they had ended the call they had planned to meet at James’s house with James. Laura had found a phone number for the local vet and told the vet about Emily’s death.

Robbie stepped back into the office, preparing himself to tell James the bad news.

“James, I need to tell you something” Robbie said quietly while sitting down on a chair and wheeling the chair next to James.

“Sir”? James questioned.

 _You’re not going to like what I have got to say lad,_ was the thought that was going through Robbie’s mind.

Robbie rubbed his eye before speaking. “James when Laura went round, she found Emily in the garden “Robbie started awkwardly.

James looked up at him waiting for him to continue.

Robbie sighed. “Laura found her dead James, I’m sorry lad” Robbie said as softly as he could.

James felt his blood run cold as soon as he heard Robbie’s sentence. He then ducked his head and clasped his hands as if he was trying to block out Robbie’s words.

Robbie eventually stood up and told James that Laura was waiting for them both at his house. James soon followed him and he didn’t say a word for the whole journey to his house.

Laura met both of the men at the garden when they had arrived. Laura and Robbie were stood near Emily’s body while James was stood behind the back door staring at the floor.

Robbie and Laura were talking quietly to themselves, not wanting to disturb James from his silence.

“So, how long do you think Emily has been you know... dead for”? Robbie asked while looking at James in case he had heard him ask.

“I would say she has been dead for at least a couple of hours” Laura replied, she too was looking at James, in fear of upsetting him more than he already was.

Unknown to Laura and Robbie James had overheard their conversation.

“So she would have died a couple of hours after I had left for work”! James said with a hint of anger.

His question had startled both Robbie and Laura before answering with a look of sorrow. “Yes “Laura said quietly.

James leaned his head back and chewed on his thumb as if he was trying to stop himself from crying.

Suddenly the church bells nearby began to ring, the sound of the bells made all of them go silent. Even though the bells were creating a peaceful sound, James just looked irritated.

“Bloody bells “! James said bitterly, before adding with all anger vanished “I should have stayed with her”. It was going to be like the Vicki incident all over again. 

Without saying another word he went back inside to the living room and sat on the sofa with his head in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this chapter, if you feel that you can't go on to read chapter 2 I understand completely.
> 
> But all will be explained about this fic in the ending notes of chapter 2 if you decide that you want to read it.


	2. One door closes, another opens

The very next hour Robbie and Laura came into the living room, both feeling sympathy as well as being concerned about his health.

Robbie sat down on the sofa next to him, not wanting to sit on the left side where Emily used to sit. Laura remained standing; they were all silent as none of them knew how to break the silence.

After a few more minutes Laura looked at both men before saying in a sympathetic tone “I called the vet earlier today and she told me a few options of how you could have Emily buried”.

James’s head snapped up at Laura, “What are my options?” James said miserably.

Laura let out a small sigh before speaking “you can have Emily cremated which your vet said was the best option, she also said if you would prefer you could -”.

James rubbed his eyes before replying to Laura “I really don’t want to go through a list of options now , I will just stick with cremation”

“Okay, where do you want to bury her?” Laura asked kindly.

James stared at the floor, while Robbie put an arm around James to encourage him to speak.

It was James’s turn to sigh, “I want her buried here” he said quickly before turning his stare to the garden.

After a while longer Laura and Robbie along with the vet they had called after their little conversation had removed Emily’s body, all James did was stare at the floor , not daring to watch them take away one of things that had meant the world to him.

Much later that evening James was still sat on the very same spot on the sofa, staring at the other side of the sofa which Emily would usually be curled up on.

James’s blank eyes noticed the little strands of cat fur that remained on the left side of the sofa, not wanting to touch it as it was the only thing that James now had to remind him of the friend who used to wipe away the miseries of everyday life.

James leaned his head back while breathing heavily to stop the tears that were stinging his eyes from falling.

James kept his gaze at the left side of the sofa as if he was imagining Emily there, brushing away his tears of remorse in her own comforting ways.

Before going up the stairs to bed, James took one last look behind him, wishing that Emily was there to follow him to the stairs and meow at him as if to say goodnight.

James certainly hadn’t planned on Yesterdays goodnight meow from Emily to be her last.

___________________________________________________________________________

 

Waking up on the following day had been a difficult task for James, for a moment he had called half of Emily’s name before regretting and remembering that Emily was no longer around to say good morning too.

Getting lost in his sorrow James had nearly forgotten that he was put on a week’s leave, which was just as well as James had drunk a lot more than he should have the previous night. It was as if alcohol was the only solution to the emotional pain that was haunting him.

Stumbling down the stairs, a massive headache drew James away from his thoughts for just a second before they all came scrambling in again, darkening and overcrowding James’s overworking brain.

James looked around the living room as if he didn’t recognise or even belong there anymore. He felt a huge twisting and turning sensation in his stomach knowing the fact that his flat now felt empty without Emily.

The atmosphere in the house was wiped out by silence; there were no sounds of pattering paws coming down the stairs or any meows that were loud enough for the whole street to hear. Hit by the sudden realization that all of Emily’s things were dotted all over the flat, had made James tense up and be reminded that those days where James had been desolate in his own misery and loneliness had now come back to slap him round the face.

James’s body language was almost screaming out _I need you Robbie!_ Even if he wasn’t aware that he did actually need him.

Meanwhile at the office Robbie sat alone with only his paperwork for company,that soon changed when Laura entered unexpectedly.

“Do you think that James should be on his own tonight”? Laura asked, her voice filled with nothing but pure concern.

Robbie sighed heavily, “To be honest no, he has been alone for far too long for most of his life before he got Emily”.

Laura nodded in understanding; she knew that Robbie would go over to see how James was even if he didn’t let on that he was going to. She also knew for a fact that Robbie cared a lot for the lad and she had always believed that Robbie has wanted James to be more than a work colleague or a friend for a large amount of time.

Later that day Robbie had decided to take Laura's advice and go see James. If he was honest with himself he knew that James would be more than happy to see Robbie at his door step, offering the comfort that now no one else could provide.

While Robbie was driving over to James’s, James was sat on one side of the sofa, running a finger on a toy mouse he got Emily when she was a kitten.

James nearly jumped out of his seat when he heard an unexpected knock at the door. Letting out a heavy sigh he got up slowly to answer the door.

His eyes widened in surprise and maybe even in relief to find that it was Robbie who was standing on his door step.

“Sir”? James asked quietly while rubbing his eye.

“May I come in lad”? Robbie asked gently.

All Robbie got in response was a nod from James.

Robbie then followed James into the living room to be welcomed by the stench of cigarettes and the many empty bottles which were scattered around the coffee table and the kitchen desk top.

Robbie then noticed the full wine bottle that was perched on the side of the sofa that Emily used to sit on. Before James could even protest, Robbie took the bottle and poured the alcohol down the kitchen sink.

“It’s for the best lad, I wish I had someone do this for me when Val died” Robbie said kindly.

“I was trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t drink it tonight” James revealed.

“Aye, I did the same but I never quite managed to keep to that promise” Robbie replied kind heartedly.

Knowing that the conversation wasn’t going to go any further Robbie sat himself down on the brown leather chair, not wanting to sit on Emily’s part of the sofa just in case James found it disrespectful.

The two men sat in silence for the majority of ten minutes before Robbie broke the silence.

“You know Alcohol isn’t the cure to all your troubles James” Robbie said.

“It’s the only cure I’ve ever known” James retorted.

Robbie sighed before speaking, “I know how you feel, alcohol was my only friend in the first year after Val died”. Robbie cleared his throat before continuing, “Then it became my best friend in the second year” Robbie admitted.

James looked up at Robbie, admiring that he could admit something that personal.

James was about to speak until Robbie had got there first, “Listen lad don’t be like me because in then end the alcohol treatment did no good for me what so ever and I won’t let it destroy you”.

James ducked his head down as he listened to Robbie’s words and saw that his words made perfect sense as they always did.

Robbie then walked up to James and sat right beside him, being careful of not invading the space that was once occupied by Emily.

He then placed a hand on James’s shoulder before speaking softly to him, “another thing I was without for an amount of time was someone to talk to about my feelings, I mean I had Lyn but it was my job to comfort her not the other way round”.

James felt a sharp ache in his chest as Robbie was speaking to him, wishing that his father had been a kind and understanding person like Robbie.

“I know that you haven’t spoken to anyone about how you feel so I’m offering you a chance to tell me” Robbie said, his voice still gentle.

James cleared his throat before replying in a shaky voice, “Robbie I don’t know how to put this but you’re wrong about me not explaining my feelings to anyone”. “I’m sorry sir” James added in embarrassment.

In truth Robbie was a bit surprised at what James had just said even if he didn’t show it.

Instead Robbie simply said, “Tell me” in his kind hearted way.

James looked up at Robbie for a second before explaining himself, “Emily was the one I discussed my feelings too and I know this sounds stupid but it felt like she understood what I was telling her even though she couldn’t say anything back”.

James then paused as if he was mortified about what he had just let out of his own mouth.

“Carry on “Robbie said in an encouraging tone.

“This is going to sound even more stupid but Emily wasn’t just a pet... she was a friend” James stammered awkwardly.

All Robbie did was look at James, his eyes showing full understanding of what James was telling him. However he had not expected to hear the following words that came tumbling out of James’s mouth.

“Even though it made me feel a bit better telling her my troubles I sometimes got the feeling that I was somehow taking advantage of her” James said in his low voice.

“How do you mean lad”? Robbie asked his voice as gentle as it had always been.

James sighed quietly, “I mean I just bombarded all my problems and issues on to an innocent cat who quite frankly didn’t deserve to have all my troubles just thrown at her” James coughed before speaking again, “I guess I was so frightened of feeling alone in my misery that I just got used to talking to Emily”.

Robbie gave him a look which said, _oh lad you could have come to me, no you should have come to me._

James’s last sentence was, “Now that I have lost Emily all my past worries and loneliness have come back to bite me on the behind” James spat.

It was at that moment when Robbie realised that Emily hadn’t just made James happy she had also helped James to deal with his emotions other than turning to alcohol. However in the last couple of days that had all changed which Robbie was determined to change permanently.

Robbie could also see that James was on the verge of tears which James was desperately trying to gain control of.

“James I-“Robbie began until he was cut off by James’s interruption, “One thing I forgot to add was even though I knew she couldn’t talk, I could get that feeling in my chest that Emily truly cared about me”.

Robbie gave James a look of sympathy before blurting out in almost a whisper, “You don’t need a cat to show you that you're cherished”. Robbie then added in the same tone, “Come here lad” as well as stretching out his arms wanting to embrace James in a hug

James could deny it no longer; he has needed that hug for so long that he had convinced himself that he could get past his problems on his own and now because of Robbie he suddenly realised that he no longer had to think or feel that way.

The tears that had threatened to spill had carried out the threat as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. Robbie than grabbed him lightly and gave him that hug that James had needed, no wanted for many years.

Once James had stopped sobbing and spilling tears, Robbie passed him a tissue which got a whispered thank you in response.

As James wiped his eyes and blew his nose Robbie said, “You know lad you don’t have to be alone anymore”.

James gave him a puzzled look so Robbie continued.

“I’ve seen how you put on this suit of Armour and pretend that nothing bothers you when clearly its eating at you”.

Robbie’s sentence had startled James however his facial expression gave the impression that he didn’t understand what Robbie was trying to tell him.

Robbie then explained in detail.

“James I’m basically saying that its pains me deeply to see you shove your emotions right down to the bottom of your mind then expecting myself and Laura to not suspect that something is wrong and the worst part of it is that you don’t seem to know how valued you are , not just by those at work but by me.

James knew that it was his turn to listen.

“You have helped me through some difficult times and I know for a fact that you’re the best mate I have had in many years” Robbie coughed awkwardly before continuing, “As my best mate I want you to be happy and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you” Robbie finished, letting out a deep breath as if he had been holding it in for years.

James looked flattered at what Robbie had just said to him as he had never considered how his own misery could affect the other people who show compassion and respect for him. At the sudden realisation it made James’s head hurt at the thought of what Robbie and even Laura have been through in his times of misery and hurt.

James was about to say something that he should have said years ago.

“Robbie, I had never considered what you and Laura have put yourselves through in my bad times and I just want you to know that I am grateful of what you and Laura have done for me in the past few years”. James scratched his head before finishing off his sentence, "and for that I thank you".

The two men sat in silence for just over two minutes when Robbie unexpectedly said, “I tell you what lad why don’t you have a fresh start”.

“What do you mean”? James asked almost nervous of what Robbie was about to say.

“I mean why not put your worries at rest and say close the door to loneliness and open the door which leads to you spending your life away from the fear of being alone and enjoy the part of life that shows you the true beauties of what the goods things bring”.

For the first time in ages James let a small smile spread across his lips in delight. Robbie saw the pure joy and peacefulness the smile contributed into the atmosphere of the room.

“I think that sounds like an excellent idea” James said in agreement to Robbie’s words.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Over the next few days James was more than pleased that Robbie had agreed to stay at his flat for a few nights which James had to admit made him feel better about the loss of Emily but also it had helped the fears of being alone shrink until they were no longer bringing despair to James’s mind.

Now that was something that Emily could never have provided on her own.

If Emily was able to see James right now her thought would definitely have been something along the lines of, _in life everyone gets what they deserve and James deserves all the love and care that is possible for one man to receive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to note that the reason why I have chosen to end the series this way is because the inspiration for the Emily works passed away earlier this month.
> 
> Writing this fic has helped me to deal with my own feelings a lot.
> 
> Please feel free to comment as it would really be appreciated.


End file.
